


Just Thoughts

by Raskel



Series: Keep Away (But Don't Leave Me) [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Depression, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Responsibility, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Untreated Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 07:02:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10458249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raskel/pseuds/Raskel
Summary: Just thoughts. That was all they could ever be.





	

He stared, for a moment, at the arrow he was working on. Clint had been asking for an arrow like this for a few months. There were some situations where a corrosive arrow _was_ necessary, and while necessity was the mother of invention, it also tended to result in a grouchy Hawkeye that refused to share the coffee pot.

He imagined letting the gloves slip off.

A soft chime caught his attention. He looked up at the screen where the schematic of the arrow had been. Now it featured his email. At the top, there was a blinking message. Pepper. "Open it, would you J?"

"Of course, sir. May I recommend that you first put the arrow down?"

Yes. "Of course, J." He couldn't risk a prototype. Especially not one that Clint needed. It would be selfish. 

He set it down and read the email. It was brief and fairly routine. A request for him to review an idea from R&D. Pepper seemed to think he would enjoy this idea.

Tony responded in the affirmative. It would be selfish to reject someone's attempt to cheer him up.

"Tony, I think I'm making a breakthrough." 

The engineer started a little. He hadn't heard Bruce come into the lab. "Oh hey Bruce! On what? Is it shiny?" Tony grinned, and was rewarded with a small smile in return. That was good. _Maybe he could be good._

"Not in the literal sense, but it is pretty shiny in the sense of 'this could help a lot of people.'" Bruce answered. "It's a new kind of syringe. It insulates itself, to cut down on the need for refrigeration facilities and transport. Could you help me get the idea out to other philanthropists? It could save millions of children."

Tony laughed. "Sure! I can be your personal KickStarter. But y'know what'd work best? I have a lot of emails here, why don't you contact them directly? You're a lot more passionate about these things than I am, anyway."

Bruce narrowed his eyes at the engineer. "Are you sure? I'd think they'd listen to one of their own better?"

 _He was nobody's own and nobody was his._ Tony smiled and shrugged. "Nah, you're the idea man. Here, try Bill and Melinda first, they're nice people, and Bill understands trying to pioneer ideas." 

He scribbled down the address and held it out. Bruce took what he was offering and left.

His gaze went back to the arrow.

His hands. His mind. Other people needed them to work.

If he made them nonfunctional...

It would be the ultimate in selfishness.

"Sir?" J was worried. He couldn't let him worry. That would be selfish.

"Just thinking, J. You know me." Just thoughts. That was all they could ever be.

He got back to work.

**Author's Note:**

> Not trying to imply that selfharm is selfish. But that's my personal rationale for not doing it. I thought It held up well when applied to Tony.  
> Buy me a coffee? Ko-fi.com/A416PU6


End file.
